Blog
21.04.2025
Professional Article
By: Fernando Mesquita | Clinical Psychologist/Sexologist
Is it possible to recover the flame of desire?
Sexual desire, also known as libido, is a natural component of human sexuality. It is what fuels our desire to touch, look, kiss… to seek pleasure!
It can be triggered in response to external stimuli, such as a provocative gesture, whispered words, an unexpected touch, an exchange of glances or the viewing of erotic or pornographic content. But it can also arise from within: from a memory, a forbidden fantasy, or simply from the desire to please the person you love.
But as natural as desire can be… it can also fade. And when this happens, doubts, guilt and insecurities often arise. But it is important to remember: desire is sensitive to what surrounds us and what is happening inside us. In fact, desire acts as a thermometer of our physical, psychological and relational well-being.
And, contrary to what we often hear, hormones are not the only protagonists in this story! It is true that hormones play a relevant role, but some chronic diseases (such as cancer, diabetes, cardiovascular and gynecological diseases), the use of certain medications (antidepressants, neuroleptics, sedatives, antihypertensives and chemotherapy), high levels of stress and anxiety, depressive states, traumatic sexual experiences, low self-esteem, poor body image, erroneous beliefs and lack of information about sexuality, negative parental messages about sex, as well as the quality of the romantic relationship itself, are not just secondary actors!
Furthermore, it is expected that a couple will experience variations in sexual desire. While at the beginning of a relationship, it is normal for couples to exude desire and feel an overwhelming desire to make love at any opportunity, as the years go by, routine tends to take over: everyday issues always seem to take priority… and sex loses its place on the agenda. However, this decrease in sexual desire is not always synonymous with a lack of passion or love!
Hypoactive Sexual Desire, also known as Lack of Libido, is one of the most common female sexual dysfunctions. It is characterized by the persistent and recurrent absence or decrease of sexual desire, as well as the lack of sexual thoughts or fantasies, significantly affecting the quality of life of the individual and, in the case of a couple, the marital relationship. And, although it can occur at any age, this difficulty becomes especially frequent during menopause, affecting around 20 to 40% of women.
This happens because with the arrival of menopause and climacteric, there is a decrease in the production of hormones associated with sexuality: progesterone, testosterone and estrogen. These changes can affect vaginal lubrication, making the mucosa drier, more sensitive and prone to discomfort during penetration, especially if suitable lubricants or intimate moisturizers are not used.
But this doesn’t mean that sex has to disappear. It just means that the body is asking for new, more prolonged and creative forms of stimulation. This can be an opportunity for couples to rediscover themselves, to deepen intimacy and reinvent the way they are together.
Yes, it is possible to rekindle the flame of desire. Sex life can gain new life when couples allow themselves to experiment, fantasize, laugh, fail and try again. Varying the routine, exploring sex toys, creating moments of seduction, accepting sexual fantasies, sharing them, understanding them and integrating them into your intimate life can be a powerful aphrodisiac. After all, desire also feeds on imagination.
04.04.2025
PERSONAL TESTIMONY
By: Cristiana, 39 years old I was born in Porto, the most beautiful city in the world, and I have been an emigrant in Germany for 7 years. At 36 years old, I became the mother of a boy who is my greatest blessing, Rodrigo. Motherhood has always been one of my goals, I always dreamed of being a mother. A dream that is often postponed because I wanted to have the necessary conditions to experience motherhood to the fullest, with all the pros and cons that come with it. I wanted to be a present mother. I didn't want to have a child who spent more time with his grandparents than with his parents. I believe that grandparents are essential in children's lives, but I wanted to be able to give my son what I consider most valuable: quality time, example and values. In the hustle and bustle of our lives, we ended up in Germany and it was here that my son was born. I am a very positive person, I always see the glass as half full, and although emigration is not an easy process, it was without a doubt the period of greatest learning in my life and it was because of this adventure that life allowed me to fulfill my dreams: getting married and being a mother. Today I can be a present mother, who accompanies and cares. Our only support network is the nursery, because we are far from our family, which allowed us to be parents without many “guesses” from others. We educate in the way we think is most correct, in every sense. And speaking of guesses and/or judgments, at the moment, I find myself in a situation that is the subject of a lot of “ guesswork ”. My son is three and a half years old and I am still breastfeeding. Which, for me, is wonderful. I once heard a Portuguese influencer (a very influential one, by the way) who was of the opinion that it made no sense to breastfeed a child who already had teeth. I also heard a doctor, with that judgmental tone, say that he would be 6 years old and would still be breastfeeding. These are comments and opinions that don't affect me, because I'm very sure about what I want and my ideas, but what about those people who aren't? Those people who let themselves be influenced? What happens to them? Probably, even though they want to continue breastfeeding, they cut off that bond based on what others think and what society thinks they should be. I can only feel sorry for them. For me, being a Mother is the role that makes me feel most complete as a Woman and being able to be food, supplement and now comfort for my son makes me even more fulfilled. Here is the answer I gave to the aforementioned doctor so that you can reflect: 'As long as it is comfortable for me and him, who are the people involved, I will continue to breastfeed.' May society stop using stereotypes and become informed. I believe that, Even after 2 years, breast milk continues to have many benefits for the baby. Be happy in your own way.
01.04.2025
PERSONAL TESTIMONY
By: Rafaela Granado | TV Presenter / Reporter “I am the mother of only one daughter, so what?” I have always tried to be respectful and know the limits when speaking or asking women questions about choices and motherhood. Especially when, often, the issue may not even be a choice and may simply be an impossibility of life for the most diverse and, possibly, even painful reasons. I have a daughter, Maria Pia, who is beautiful, healthy, witty, polite and loving to everyone. She is 9 years old. The phrases I hear most (guess what!) for exactly 9 years, coming literally out of nowhere, are: “So? When are you going to have your second child?” “But don’t you want to have another child?” “Doesn’t Pia ask for siblings?” “Maria needs a little brother” “Oh, what a shame, not having siblings…” “You are such good parents, you could have more children.” – among many others. For a long time, I related all this to the fact that people are always DEMANDING. Demanding is part of human nature. If you’re not dating, where’s your boyfriend? If you are dating, when’s the engagement? If you’ve been engaged for a few months, oh why do you have to schedule the wedding! If you’ve been married for a year, aren’t you going to have babies?! If you have your first child, when’s the second?! And so on… Always, always the demand. And what shocks and saddens me the most is that it comes mostly from women to women. The feeling I have is that, for some women, there’s a certain pleasure in demanding something from another woman. I don’t know why, because in my nature, I don’t have that. But lately, and because the topic is recurrent, I’ve really been thinking a lot about the subject. It’s because it’s not just when the second child will come, it’s the whole “only child” concept that makes me uncomfortable, which is why I’ve been reading about it for a long time. Why would a woman who has more children, numerically speaking, feel superior to another woman in some way? Could it be a way, who knows?, of making up for an inferiority they feel in other areas of their lives and trying to use an invisible medal against the world, like “I have more children, I am better, I deserve a prize, I am more”, because deep down they feel inadequate, in general terms in their lives? Could it be that, because the image they have of themselves is not enough, they try to use this number of children as something that makes them superior to others? Nothing is ever enough. Nothing is enough. And the cycle continues. Another question I have been asked: “Aren’t you going to give her a little brother to play with?” But what are we talking about? A toy? A little Nenuco for the child to pick up and play with?! Do people have children to give a person, another human being as a “gift” to their first child and so on? I don’t see it that way, I’m sorry. I understand the value of having siblings, just as I see many other siblings in terrible and even toxic relationships. And no, my only daughter (I love the way many people use the expression “only child” in a derogatory way, imagine that!, when several experts have even come out to condemn the existence of such a concept), has never asked me for siblings, quite the opposite. Which is also completely irrelevant, because a child is not the one who decides anything in this house. Corroborating several empirical and psychological studies that I have read, I can even say that I know several children without siblings who are the opposite of what we commonly consider spoiled or narcissistic people, socially affected or overprotected - characteristics frivolously attributed to boys or girls without siblings. I could even name at least five friends of mine without siblings who are highly generous, capable, altruistic, sociable, excellent company, much more so than people raised with two or three siblings at home. Having or not having siblings does not influence the individual, but rather the upbringing, connection and emotional bonds created during life, with all the people with whom we relate. Furthermore, the various comparisons between siblings can even generate lifelong trauma for many who consistently live in problematic relationships with their parents precisely because of differences in personality and/or even different treatment between siblings. And that classic situation where a woman introduces another woman like this: “This is my friend Sara, she has three children, you see!, and two of them are twins!” What do you mean?! Is this what defines Sara? If she is a mother and has twins? I am not interested in that information at first. Of course I want to get to know Sara, I love meeting people, getting to know all their facets, and that will certainly be interesting. But never, ever, will that be what defines her. For a long time, women’s sole mission was to procreate and maintain the home according to the laws of man; up until the beginning of the 20th century, a woman who could not have children could be ostracized and even rejected by the patriarchy. This was just another way, in essence, that the sexist society in which we learned to live and survive controlled women’s will, power of choice and free will. Having just one child, then, my God!, would mean that the woman was fertile but did not want to have any more children – how audacious, how selfish, how absurd! When we often know that the fact that a woman has one child does not mean that she cannot have difficulties or infertility later on. As a practicing Catholic, I would like to cite some words from our beloved Pope Francis – “Women are not second-class human beings.” “This is a society with a strong masculine attitude. Women are missing. ‘Yes, yes: women are there to wash the dishes, to do…’ No, no: women are there to bring harmony. Women have a lot to say to us in today’s society. Sometimes we are too sexist, and we don’t leave space for women.” From this I conclude that women deserve the same respect, my rights and duties, the same power of choice and analysis of their lives and those around them. Let us all be less sexist, and let us rid ourselves of the prejudices that have been instilled in us since we were little. Let us forgive ourselves for our own weaknesses and let us not always be in comparison mode. I don't want to offend family members, friends or people close to me who are so dear to me that I know they don't do this kind of "demanding" with malice. I know others do it precisely with malice. I can tell the difference. But I just ask that you think about this. Constant demanding is not FUN. And going back to one of the initial ideas, no one knows except me, in my deepest being, the reason for my choices or my reality. Respect it. Having more or fewer children does not validate us more or less as people, women, mothers or even wives. Don't be fooled. My greatest medal will always be the quality of the unique, loving, present and indestructible relationship that I build every day with my daughter. Yes, my only and delightful daughter. Who I chose to be the only one. For now. And, in the future, we will soon see what happens. Then, too, we will be ready to welcome, educate, love and accompany. But never to count, compete or, much less, just be a number. Finally, I say this with love: be happy and empathetic! The world will always be a better place.
24.03.2025
Professional Article
By: Dr. Catarina Lucas | Psychologist/Sexologist and Director of the Catarina Lucas Center Sex during Menopause: (re)discovering pleasure Menopause is a natural phase in a woman's life, marked by hormonal changes that impact several aspects of her well-being, including sexuality. However, this phase is not synonymous with a loss of pleasure or the end of sexual life. On the contrary, it can be an opportunity to rediscover your body, explore new forms of intimacy and strengthen emotional and sexual bonds with your partner. How is sexuality affected? During menopause, estrogen and progesterone levels decrease, which can lead to physical and emotional changes that affect sex life, such as: - Vaginal dryness : the reduction of some hormones can make the vaginal mucosa thinner and less lubricated, making sex uncomfortable or painful. - Decreased libido : hormonal changes can reduce sexual desire. - Changes in sexual response : some women may notice less sensitivity or difficulty reaching orgasm. - Emotional factors : anxiety and mood swings can also influence the willingness to have sex. Tips for a fulfilling sex life during menopause When changes occur in your sex life, it is important to understand that there are different ways to deal with them and maintain pleasurable intimacy. - Invest in lubrication: using water-based lubricants or vaginal moisturizers can alleviate discomfort during sexual intercourse and make the experience more pleasurable. - Hormone therapy: for some women, hormone replacement therapy, prescribed by a doctor, may be an alternative to alleviate the symptoms of menopause, including the impact on sexuality. - Explore new forms of intimacy: sex is not just about penetration. Exploring other forms of pleasure, such as kissing, caresses, massages and the use of erotic accessories, can make intimacy more pleasurable and satisfying. - Self-knowledge : Rediscovering your body is essential. Masturbation and self-care practices help you better understand new sensations and desires. - Communication: dialogue about desires, insecurities and needs strengthens the couple's emotional and sexual connection, allowing for adjustments and new experiences. - Taking care of your physical and mental health: physical activities, a balanced diet and relaxation techniques, such as yoga and meditation, contribute to general well-being, with a positive impact on sexuality. - Psychological support: psychotherapy can be an ally in facing this phase, dealing with physical and psychological changes and intervening in depressive and anxiety symptoms, which are also common at this stage. Pleasure has no age Menopause can be a time of transformation, but it can also be a time of opportunities to redefine sexuality. With information, self-knowledge and dialogue, it is possible to maintain an active, healthy and pleasurable sex life, regardless of age. Seeking help can be essential to experiencing this stage with ease, respect for your own body and, above all, pleasure!
14.03.2025
Testimony
By: Joana, Lisbon, 35 years old. Am I a less worthy woman for forgiving one, or rather many, betrayals? I've been in a relationship for almost ten years and, at the beginning of it, I forgave several betrayals. There are women who tell me that they would " never forgive their partner " and I said that too, until I was in the lead role. My partner and I parted ways, full of resentment, anger, pain and sadness, until we met again. In the meantime, each of us did our own therapy. One to cure the reason for this incessant need for attention, caused by the absence of his mother, and I, to cure the feeling of rejection, caused by the lack of attention I felt from my father. I had no idea of the impact this had and continues to have on me, until I worked on this point in therapy. Together, each with their own flaws, we were able to understand that what happened in the past did not mean a lack of love at home. I am often criticized and have been called "a cuckold", "deluded", "toxic", etc. Other insults were directed at my partner. They said that I didn't see how he was a "narcissist". Anyway, the truth is that he never held me responsible for any of his actions, nor did he show himself superior to me in anything, quite the opposite, he took responsibility for what he did and fought hard to be and do differently. I went through difficult times and had difficulty trusting again. I am human and, more than that, I am a woman! Women are constantly suspicious of everything and, often unnecessarily so. We have no control over anything, and what I realized in the process is that I was no saint either. I didn't do the same, but I wasn't a saint. No one is. Each of us has different needs, different flaws. We are human, could it be any other way? It makes me sad when I realize that there are women who are cruel to each other and many of them may even be experiencing a similar situation. I want to believe and I have this hope that society can be kinder. There was repentance, there was a change in attitude, and there was personal growth. If there is love, people should be together and that is what happens to us, period.
10.03.2025
Article
I've noticed that for many, PIPY is a villain, but if he were a villain, what would his crime be? First-degree seduction? Manipulation of desire? A Machiavellian plan to perfume bodies and confuse minds? In the court of public opinion, he has been accused of many things: of feeding insecurities, of smelling of submission, of selling embalmed pleasure, but honestly, that way of seeing him doesn't make sense to me. If that were the case, I would choose to see a world where all intimate cosmetics are a crime and where any attempt at artificialization – even conscious and informed – must be fought. The funny thing is that the same people who see him as a villain almost end up placing him on a hero's pedestal, as if he had promised to free women from shame, give them a superpower of instant confidence and turn every date into a cinematic spectacle and I understand, but let's not get things mixed up. We are all grown up enough to know that a bottle could never carry so much power. PIPY never dreamed of being this kind of savior and these promises were made not by him, but by his opponents, the same ones who prefer to see him as a villain. In fact, PIPY does not save anyone, nor does it destroy anything. It's not a feminist manifesto, but it doesn't seem to me to be a capitalist coup either. It's just an intimate haze, like so many others, but it's also much more than that because everything we touch gains layers and meanings. Above all, I felt that PIPY reinforced our knowledge about vulvar health and opened up the discourse on intimate cosmetics, a sex-positive topic that requires exactly this type of dialogue and information so that people can make safer choices . Or are you going to tell me that you never sprayed perfume on your thighs before that date , or even more relatable, that you never wondered if the other person smelled the same way you did? PIPY is certainly not the solution, but neither is it the problem... It is neither a hero nor a villain, but there is no doubt that it plays a fundamental role in the story. It is the element that moves the plot, that forces the characters to take positions, that makes them reveal what was already inside them. It does not create insecurities, but it exposes the ones that already exist. It does not solve self-esteem issues, but it puts its finger on them. No, it is not a feminist revolution, but it is certainly not an enemy of empowerment. It is just a mirror and each person sees in it what they already carry inside themselves. Basically, it is like those “lucky underwear”. JUST MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE: It didn't give me any itch, in fact, my sexual appetite increased and my confidence at work too. Perhaps that is the true effect of PIPY: an invitation to feel more like ourselves. Was PIPY necessary for this? Apparently, yes. The secondary characters exist for this very reason, but the ending is not about them, is it? It is about us. To read the full article CLICK HERE . Text illustrated by Ultimaweapo | Instagram
07.03.2025
Testimony
Maria Cerqueira Gomes | TV Presenter I often AM a pressure cooker, but I just want to HAVE a pressure cooker. These days, I feel like we are increasingly looking for the feeling of “home.” And, in my opinion, home can be: the bed sheets that remind us of our parents’ house, our grandmother’s lace tablecloth, or a simple pressure cooker. An entire generation has been against the pressure cooker, which was unfair and unreasonable. It helps us in the race against time, contributes to texture and flavor and is a great ally in ensuring that the phrase - “my mother's food is the best” - is once again one of the most said phrases of the year. I'm sure that having a pressure cooker at home makes me stop feeling like one.
06.03.2025
Testimony
Andreia, 29 years old | Personal Testimony We grew up witnessing a wave of happiness whenever someone showed a positive pregnancy test. There are exclamations, lots of smiles and a sparkle in the eyes, “congratulations”, etc. When I saw my “positive” I also smiled and even managed to make a joke or two, but at the same time, I was overcome by panic. I knew everything was wrong at the same time that I saw a dream come true. While trying to make a decision, I started the process of Voluntary Termination of Pregnancy (IVG). I heard the words "conscientious objector" several times and I just wondered if there was something wrong with my conscience. I lived in Cascais and my case was transferred to Lisbon. It is frightening to think that we are in a capital city, which should be a center of development, and yet, in reality, it is only a small sample of what we think is women's health care. The whole time I spent at the clinic, it felt like I was living an “illegal scene” from a movie. I believe that not all the information we filled out on the forms was properly read and, furthermore, when I left the consultation, I came across a man, from some religious order, offering support to "lost women". The psychological support offered during the process is provided by the clinic itself and is very biased. Private consultations are expensive. In the question boxes on Instagram pages, no psychologist knew of support groups. On the internet forums spoken in Portuguese, many in Brazilian Portuguese, the topic is: IVG was and is illegal. Even so, in these forums, most of them refer to spontaneous abortions or pregnancy losses and this, in my opinion, only widens the gap. The few websites that mention abortion mention that women usually feel relieved after having it, because it is what they want - that was not the case for me. Not that anyone forced me, but fear, rationality and logic, yes, and I believe that is the case for many other women, too. Fortunately, I had a lot of support from those closest to me. Fortunately, we live in a country where, legally, decisions that are very personal can be made, even if they are not yet discussed. I'm not a mother yet, but I believe that being a good mother often means making difficult decisions. At that moment, I was a better mother for deciding not to be one.
18.02.2025
Professional Article
By: Dr. Miguel Raimundo Gynecologist – Obstetrician | Reproductive Medicine | ART (Assisted Reproduction) From an early age, society imposes a pre-defined path on women: grow up, get married, become a mother. We hear phrases like: “One day, when you’ll be a mother”, “ You have time, you’re still young” , “Don’t wait too long, your biological clock won’t forgive you” , or “ So, what about the babies?”. It’s as if female identity is inevitably linked to motherhood. But does being a woman necessarily mean being a mother? The truth is that every woman has the right to be the master of her own body, her own choices and her own life. Some want to become mothers early, others later. Some want to build careers, explore the world, live without pressure. And others simply don’t want to be mothers – and that’s okay. But what if the desire for motherhood exists, just not now? What if there are doubts about the future? Reproductive medicine today offers a powerful tool: egg freezing . This option allows women to preserve their fertility and decide, with complete autonomy, when – and if – they want to become mothers. It is an act of freedom, independence and self-respect. It allows women to live their sexuality without fear, without the pressure of time and without motherhood being a race against the biological clock. In my practice, I see women asking themselves every day: “What if it’s too late?”, “What if I can’t do it?” The answer is simple: science has evolved to give women the power to choose. With information, planning and access to solutions, such as egg freezing, each woman can decide her own path without having to limit her fertility. Motherhood may be a dream, but it is never an imposition. A woman’s worth is not measured by her ability to create a life, but by the way she lives hers – with freedom, autonomy and self-respect. True feminine strength lies in this ability to make decisions, without guilt, fear or pressure. And that, above all, is what really matters.
12.02.2025
Professional Article
By: Iara Rodrigues | Nutritionist
11.02.2025
Testimony
By: Carina Caldeira